• Stand on an enormous Happy Face.
• Pretend to baptize my own infant self.
• Talk in a really bad Scottish Accent
• Explain how, when six-days-old and then even more so when I was five years old, I became a sheep
• Explain why puppets make you unpopular on an elementary school playground.
• Become my own mother.
• Deliver some of the most bizarre advice a loving mother ever gave her 7-year-old son.
• Explain how a salamander, my brother’s scientific curiosity, and a few dozen books about bubonic plague and Egyptian embalming practices led to my lifelong obsession with death.
• Pretend a stool is a hedge.
• Explain who ‘The Jesus Lady’ was.
• Sing ‘Amazing Grace.’
• Sing ‘Amazing Grace’ backwards.
• Become Yoda reciting ‘Amazing Grace’ backwards.
• Explain the following concepts—Baptism; Witnessing; Afterglows; Speaking in Tongues; Being Slain in the Spirit; Why masturbation isn’t “necessarily” a sin; how faith, in the words of Jesse P., is “like a sandwich”; why, in certain cases, there is nothing more appropriate to say than “Wow! Wow-and-a-half!”
• Introduce and become the following indelible true-life characters — Righteous Rick, president of the Downey High Jesus Club; Jesse P., spicy but earnest long-haired leader of Downey’s most popular Tuesday Night Bible Study; Rev. Dude, a former acid-dropping surfer guy who found Jesus in a tent in Hawaii while tripping on “magic mushrooms,” the supremely confident minister of Happy Chapel, a brand new church in Downey; Eddie, who has one very important question; Cindy, intense and earnest and super-cute; J.E.F., my straight-shooting brother, who likes to share his own scientific observations about my spiritual practices, while occasionally “blowing shit up in the back yard.”
• Explain why fasting for 30-days is the “Holy Grail of self-starvation.”
• Pantomime a puppet show
• Become Sam Galaxy, a big, green alien puppet with a few shocking truths to deliver.
• Explain how I discovered, just in the nick of time, that maybe I was not a “sheep” after all, and learned that while walking away form being “saved” is often harder than staying in the one place you ever felt safe and accepted, sometimes it’s the only way, in the end, to truly save yourself.
I do other things too.
I can’t wait. I am genuinely thrilled to be telling this crazy story again to real people. I hope, if you have never scene ‘Wretch Like Me,’ or are curious about how it’s evolved, you will join me tonight or tomorrow afternoon at Lucky Penny Community Arts Center in Napa, or sometime between Sept. 13 and 24 at the San Francisco Fringe Festival. All the info in one the Wretch Like Me website.
Whether it’s return viewers or brand new audience members waiting when I take the stage, tonight—and the next few weeks—is going to be fun, as I return to the story I never get tired of telling.
WRETCH LIKE ME website